How to Get Help for Domestic Violence – Purple it Up!

Jen Hardy [00:00:00]:

Did you know that 1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men will deal with domestic abuse That is a fact. If it’s not you, I guarantee there’s at least one person in your friend group. that could be going through it. Today’s good human is someone who has risen above. Her own abuse and not only that, but she has used her resources to reach out and help over 250 other people going through this. Her story is amazing. What she does is amazing. and Veronica Life is truly the pinnacle example of a good human. taking our own struggles, getting through them, and using them to help someone else. So here it is, my presentation to Veronica Life of her Good Human Award along with her telling you what she does because it’s so very important. Okay. Veronica, thank you so much for joining me today. I’m a special edition of fabulous over 50. We’re gonna talk about something near and dear to my heart that is so special. And I honestly have to say, I wish this was around decking needs ago. But you know what? It’s here now. And I think everybody needs to have an awareness of who you are, what you do, and how they can contact you and your group when they find someone who needs it. Because, unfortunately, everyone does know someone who needs it whether they lives that are not. So can you introduce yourself and tell a little bit about purple it up and what you’re doing?

Veronica Life [00:01:50]:

Sure. I’m Veronica Life, founder, CEO, and Overcomer. The organization is purple it up for domestic violence awareness. So we have a very interesting impact to the community to do just that to purple it up. And that’s the ice breaking, the awareness factor that we’re creating in our community, and every community to know about the 1 in 4 women, the 1 in 7 men, and that relates to every 29 seconds. There is a victim of domestic violence. And we’re in the community, the group, the people on the ground, the boots on the ground making a difference and helping the next one voiced their victory and realizing they’re, you know, going through this, and they’re not alone going through this. They’re resources. We relate to victims before, during, and after. It started after, you know, you go through something, then you get all this help. No. We realize we need to push it forward and get to the beginnings when there’s nonverbal and there’s verbal. There’s different layers of abuse. There’s different stages, and we wanna increase awareness. So that’s what we do in the process of advocating back To the situation, we want to promote awareness and increase it to get to prevention. So, therefore, the silence on domestic violence is broken. And the key thing is is that letting that one or if you’re that family member or friend or coworker, or even someone in community that senses something is off, most likely, we wanna teach you and empower you to go with it. Go with your gut and do something, say something, make that report count, make that voice matter, And that’s the biggest thing that has been so helpful coming up with different ways to increase the word mix. And it’s been fun, and it’s definitely ice breaking the silence and exposing that this person needs you know, someone to talk to. Even if they’ll make the decision to follow through, we encourage that awareness enough and take the high road and say, stay focused, stay healthy, making sound decisions as best pod possible. because the truth is, When a person had enough or if they’re in imminent danger, they need to know what they need what their next step looks like and what they need to do and stay with it because the work begins after it’s exposed. or after it happens. That’s when the real work gets really sensitive in staying forward and keeping the healthy boundaries and seeing a difference And that’s even helping we help abusers. We get the get them where they need to be to deal with that. because that’s a mental health issue to decide to take in control over somebody’s life like that. and victimize a person, and it’s a mental health issue for the victim to cope and know that they’re going through something and they’re not alone. So purple up our organization, we simply do that before during the aftercare and where actually our 10 year period has been a lifetime. There’s not one entity that has came through our resources, our network that they’re disconnected. They know that at any given time, Whether they’re having trickers, whether they’re having a hard time transitioning or keeping up with their job because of what they’re coping with and what they’re surviving. we’re there. And there’s more that we need to do because voluntarily have done this since 2008 is when I survived domestic violence. And well, yeah, went into realizing I was going through domestic violence and didn’t get totally out of my red zone till 2010. at my last relocation. And so when I look back at the people I met while I was in there and they were saying that you have no reason to be in here and you’re You’re a victim of domestic violence? I was like, yeah. I’m doing something about them. I’m not staying there. Not staying as a victim. I’m staying as a Victor a Victoria, and I’m victorious. And when I figured it out, that’s what that’s supposed to do to have me down and out, not alive, You don’t have that authority. Sorry that I loved you enough to think you had all power. No. You don’t exceed God. that you sent me.

Jen Hardy [00:06:47]:

And so — What

Veronica Life [00:06:49]:

I’m sorry. That has been a a thing that victims have related to, man, that’s me. I thought that I had to stick through it. I had to go through it because once married is always married, no. The bible says it breaks it down. there’s some healthy boundaries to do and understand, and I didn’t have my mom and dad around telling me about those adulting things. because they went on the glory when I went into that, you know, going on with my life thinking,

Jen Hardy [00:07:18]:

you know, I’m gonna go on happily ever after. That was a shock. Yeah. Definitely. So if someone’s listening and they think, oh my gosh. I’m in that position, and I don’t know what to do. Where can they reach out to you, or how do they reach out to you to get some help? They can go to pureplep.org

Veronica Life [00:07:36]:

in our number, our community hotline number, it links to me directly. It’s filtered to me. If I’m not picking up, it goes to the next person, but it’s 813922 Life.

Jen Hardy [00:07:51]:

That’s 813922 5433.

Veronica Life [00:07:57]:

And they can go to purple up.org. They can go to Instagram. They can go to Facebook. They can go to linkedin, They can go to Twitter. We do have TikTok and Snapchat coming out as well, but pretty much we try to put purple up in any place in purple up.org, just just google it. Just google purple up. It’ll pop up. That’s the neat thing about this. It’s right at the top of the list where you can click and get help and have someone to talk to to have that conversation. If you thinking that you went through something or you’re thinking that something’s happening, must like you’re right. So we need to have our conversation then. Not after you got slapped or you got stabbed or, you know, we’re there too. Believe it. You know, we get called in any part of it. But when you first keep something in your gut, let’s speak up.

Jen Hardy [00:08:54]:

Okay. And what if what if somebody has a friend, and they think, you know what? I think this person is going through this thing. Is how do they how can they reach out and help them? What’s the best way to do that? The best way is to go to that person and say, honestly, I’m feeling a certain way, and I was wondering, are you feeling the same way? I don’t want you to think you’re alone in that.

Veronica Life [00:09:17]:

And honestly, I want you to speak up and I’ll be here with you to speak up with you or for you. But I’m not gonna let this Terry. I’m standing by your side, and It’s not how it’s when at this point. All the how and the details the wear, that there were things will show up, and you’ll have the help. So I need you to know that you’re not alone in this. And I see you were hearing and I fell in my gut. And it’s not right. You deserve more. You deserve healthy love. You deserve your best. And — Yeah. — you gotta give it to yourself and forgive, you know, no shame, no no judgment.

Jen Hardy [00:10:05]:

Yeah. Every everybody deserves healthy love. You know? Mhmm. It’s they do. Whether you were told that you do or not, you do. That’s the thing. Right? So what if someone’s listening and they think, okay, you know, or watching and they think, alright. I wanted to give to this cause. This sounds like a great cause. What how do they do that? Same thing. Go to the website.

Veronica Life [00:10:25]:

purplup.org. Yes. Okay. Just go to purplup.org. We have a donate button on there. We also have a merch store and let people know that you purple up. We got the challenge items are also on there. So You can have your t shirt, your ball, and we can virtually do the challenge, but let us know. Go to the website. Leave us a message. Let us know. Call the number. and a tech is taxable 247.

Jen Hardy [00:10:56]:

So do you just go there? and in support. There’s different things you can do that get involved and we’d love to hear from you. And you’ve shared before the amount of money that it took to help you change your whole life. And I think it’s phenomenal, and I think we need to share that with people because Someone might think, well, I might not have a lot to give, but how much how many dollars did you get that changed your life? It was $10.

Veronica Life [00:11:24]:

10. Can you hear that? 10. And I was surviving domestic violence through the campaigning and still volunteering with the Obama campaign with their city council was running for office. I was surviving domestic violence I was around some impactful people that could have did one thing. One little thing would have made a difference in my life. I shown up where I had what I should’ve had if I would’ve had the support, but everybody thought I was getting help And because of who I was, what I looked like, oh, she’s resourceful, and and they know it because I just got through putting a half a $1,000,000 in someone’s bank account. I just got through processing on fundraising, and if I would have had that one person, the pro bono attorney. It would have been a big difference, but, nope, they thought somebody else would have or all their resources to relocate that our victims were to get? No. I was denied because of who I was, and I didn’t have children, single, no children. So I was in a different category. Doesn’t mean I should have not had anything. but everybody was thinking, oh, she’ll be okay. It’s not she’s not going through gymnastics. I couldn’t believe it. Then I set some people down, and I told them, it was like, The light turned on. And you know how things scramble when the light is on the situation. It got really go. It got really the light came on in my eyes, like, wow. Do you wanna hear and not do? I don’t I don’t understand that. Knowing somebody’s life, it’s in danger, knowing that somebody is gonna be the world is gonna be turned upside down, they’re gonna have nothing. And you think I got it all? Well, I said to myself, that’s what the enemy up to. You got the right one. I don’t know what, but I’m not gonna stay in a victim situation. I don’t have to. I thought once married, it’s always married, but that’s not the case. So when I kept going, and did everything the advocates told me to do, but I wasn’t getting financial support, and that’s what I needed. And I didn’t let that stop me from helping the next person, the next person. I could get help for others, but I couldn’t get help from me. And it was It was a ironic thing. When I ran across one person, it was an advocate that knew that I got transferred to their location. and it was the attorney I sat down with. The problem was, at that time, I was out of my red zone. I was in another county, and they couldn’t do it. You had to be in your county. for and it was a it was still today. That’s a question I see that no matter where you are, her victim gets to a location, they should have all the resources they should get because we’re in the United States of America. It shouldn’t matter where our person is. and it did. In that day, I was told there’s no funding. I don’t have children. I didn’t qualify. but I don’t wanna victim out domestic violence. So the to be person, I had to go is I had to relocate again. And for me to get to the next location, it was a hour away and I didn’t have no gas. This person said, I have $10. Sorry. That’s all I had. And I’ve kinda looked like Okay. And I just had to take a step back and say, well, that’s my cue. to put that in the tank and go. And if I run out on highway, at least the police would be able to get me. But there was a sick side of that, I was scared about that. because what my ex husband was doing, he was paying people and paid off people to even police officers, to do things to make it like I don’t matter or the report or or if they find me. it was a dead end situation because he was leveraging his unlimited resources as one honest cop told me. And when this person gave me $10 to leave to go get to the next town county I did, And I would have thought to my I was thinking to myself, but I don’t have nothing in my tank. How could $10 get me here? But that day, it did, and I haven’t and then let back. But I remember distinctively, the reaction of the person just had paid all their bills, and they were petting $10 I think, $10. Wanted to let you tell me she was gonna give it to you her granddaughter. because it was her birthday, and she just got $10 the last $10 to give to put in her birthday card. but she gave it to me.

Jen Hardy [00:16:44]:

Wow. And it just goes to show you. So many there’s so many lessons in what you’re saying, you know, that a little bit can save someone’s life that just because we are what other people would consider to be a victim of something, You can become the Victor over it, which you’ve done by not only saving yourself, but how many people have you saved by now? How many people have you helped? 250

Veronica Life [00:17:09]:

plus families, I say plus because, really, I can’t look at that. It’s overwhelming. Think of all the stuff you do. for that one, and that one became another one and another one and another kind of thing. And there’s people coming back to me now. They see me and then go, do you know who I am? We know who you are. You’re reverend mom. And that’s another story. You’re reverend. You’re you’re you’re you’re mis Veronica life. Your your life and you help me. you have did what in places I was. I wasn’t getting that and I needed that someone to take my hand and say, I’m not letting go. You’re not alone. We’re gonna let go of the drama. We’re gonna let go all the stuff that’s distracting you or hindering you from speaking up and stepping up, but we’re gonna hold on to the thing that’s working for you and overflowing you and and doing what needs to be done. And that didn’t cost me anything but my time. And that’s the only thing I have my faith and my time. and the people that came along the way, just as you are, Jen, stepping up to help me go further and say, we got this, And, you know, the cost cost to it transferring or or dealing with the victim that’s going into survival mode. That’s 5000 off the back. Yeah. because you’re dealing with housing, you’re dealing with getting that person to where they need need to be, you’re replacing their things that they can’t hold on to. And it and just Right immediately to feed someone to close someone to make sure they got things that can self care and they can get to the next shelter or if the other one’s full and it’s further away. We’re not putting $10 in someone’s tank nowadays. But if that’s $10. If it’s given, whatever it’s given is, it we’ll put it in, and it just works out. But I know people are getting full tank. somehow Wawa, Shell, Thortons, racetrack, They’re all in on the so I tell people these things to go patronize. And, Natalie Duncan, Duncan has hell hell held out to be a true shelter in the midst of things going to get coffee. And I love it, and I’m talking with them and hopefully something for buying profound comes out of this because I I laugh every time I see you run it on Duncan. Man, that’s a teacher. I need to change that purple. That’s what I need. I told him that’s it. I need y’all to change that to purple because there’s some random y’all need to know that. Oh, heroic. That is. And they laugh when I break it down and explain, you know, because you drink coffee, they’re just running on dunk. I think it’s — Yeah. — kinda but this is symbolic heroic strides that are going on with that. And and I’d love it because every Dunkin’ Donuts, they have personal bathrooms. You know how we can safely hide someone and someone can’t come in? because there’s only one door. There’s one stall. It’s quite That part for several reasons is a good thing, but everything about Dunkin’ Donuts has steth attached. McDonald, Starbucks. But Duncan, there’s something about that tagline and and the resources out of that that have happened. and to feed someone and get them coffee and have them wait in a safe place. It gets pretty interesting how we use Walmart. Now that they don’t have it 24 hours, it’s been it’s been interesting, but there’s one Dunkin’ or 2 that stays open 24 hours at McDonald’s. So I’m calling upon and if someone knows how to has a direct connect or speak to executive that can make that decision. to purple it up, we’re common. We’re looking to October being quite different, pink and purple everywhere. for domestic violence awareness and breast cancer. Purple for domestic violence awareness, breast cancer is pink, so we need to have both running,

Jen Hardy [00:21:40]:

you know, flying those colors high in October, especially October. Very cool. And I wanted to tell you that the the whole reason I wanted to have you here is because, number 1, oh, well, I gotta wanna share. If you’re listening, I highly recommend you go to the site and get a shirt. She’s got the coolest shirts. There’s the the coolest merch is on there, or just donate funds because you’re gonna be saving someone. And Veronica is just the example of being fabulous. Right? She is a fabulous a fabulous person If you’re listening and cannot see her amazing smile, you gotta go to the show notes and click on the link. We’re gonna have pictures. She just Oh my gosh. You’re just so attracted. I you just have to go to talk to her because she’s so vibrant and so energetic and a good human, which is why I want to give you the good human board because you are far and above and beyond. Oh my goodness. And what you’ve done by taking taking something that was could have been horrible and made you a victim forever. Right? And just not even gone out of your house, not only have you said, no. That’s not what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna stand up. But you’re over 250 people. That is absolutely amazing. And you’re not a corporation, you know, you’re not a multi $1,000,000 corporation. You’re a person. You’re a one good human. who said no. I’m putting my foot down, and I’m stopping it now. And so thank you. I wanna thank you so much for that. You are so welcome, Jim. Really? Thank you, Monica. Thank you so much for joining us, and thank you for being a good human and stepping up and purple it up. And the challenge, I will I’m gonna put a put the video of the challenge that we did when we met up in person at the beginning of the month on the website so people can see that, see what it is, and maybe do it themselves.

Veronica Life [00:23:33]:

Yes. Yes. And we’re updating it. If you go to our website purple.org, you can click the there are certain ones that have been put into and then tag been okay to put up there for accepting a challenge because some people it’s okay if you don’t wanna be public about septic, but we do let people know who’s standing with us. So if you don’t, we have no problem. Just personally, if you take the challenge and doing something in front of the scenes, behind the scenes, we don’t care. Just purple it up. for a domestic bounce awareness and already have your footage because I don’t know if we used your phone, or do we use mine?

Jen Hardy [00:24:09]:

I don’t know if I could find it. Yeah. Yeah. Check it up. Alright. Yeah. Thank you. This is wonderful. Thank you so much. Have a fabulous weekend. I’ll talk to you soon.

Veronica Life [00:24:19]:

Okay.

Jen Hardy [00:24:20]:

And there you have it. That is why she has won the Good Human Award for this week. And I’ve gotta say, I know a lot of good humans. I do. But I need your help. Who do you know that is a good person that’s going above and beyond what they have to do to do what they can do to help their fellow humans. I’m looking for people to induct into the good human Guild Hall of Fame. So please reach out Jen atgenharti.net. You can email me, or you can go togenharti.net/contact. Boom. There you’ve got it. But no matter what, jenhardy.net. It’s the place to be. You can find out all the things, and the last one is that I just don’t wanna forget to tell you is Jen’s friends. Because I’m doing Jen’s friends. It’s a daily encouraging email for older women. because loneliness is epidemic right now. And if all it takes is a few minutes of a video every morning waiting for her in her inbox to just say, you know what? You’re not alone. Somebody cares. somebody loves you. You can do this. You can get through this. The world is good and you’re loved. Isn’t that important? So if it’s not you, you know of anyone, please jennhardie.net/friends. See, it’s all at the same place. Go there, sign her up, $17 a month, can’t beat it. Right? Because you just can’t. And stay tuned because the next episode is going to be Phenomenal. You’re absolutely going to love it. It’s my friend Beverly. She rocked So stay tuned, and stay fabulous.