Seeking Joy, and Finding Our Voice, with Sasha Gray

Jen Hardy [00:00:00]:
My gosh. I’m so glad you’re here. Here she is. The phenomenal, the wise, the funny, the hysterical, Sasha Gray. There’s so I am so excited to have Sasha on the channel today. She is my inspiration for the bling and the glitter and everything. And, you know, I didn’t say this last time, Sasha, but you are somebody that I just aspired to be, starting several years ago when I saw your channel. And it is such an honor to have you on the show today.

Jen Hardy [00:00:27]:
Honestly, I never would imagine that you’d be on. So I wanted to start with that because I didn’t. So yeah, thank you for joining me.

Sasha Gray [00:00:34]:
Well, thank you so much. It is an honor to be here and to to hear that. Wow. I’m thank you. I’m humbled and honored that you you shared that with me. And and you I I’m a firm believer that you can’t have too much bling or glitter in the world.

Jen Hardy [00:00:51]:
I love it. We’ve gotten so isolated. I don’t since 2020, people people aren’t the same. Do you find that?

Sasha Gray [00:00:59]:
Oh, so much. We actually talked about that one day, I think last week and how we’ve we’ve become okay with with being isolated. You know? We go through drive thrus. We still get grocery pickup. We still meet virtually, and and I just hope that I I mean, I don’t think things will ever go back to the way it was, but I I hope that we come back to that connection in some way. And and, you know, in some way, Zoom and all those platforms, it’s wonderful because we were isolated and we were captured in our homes, so to speak. But with Zoom or with those platforms or even, you know, the social medias where you could go live with each other, you were able to see people. And, you know, the funny thing to me is we have relatives and friends all over the world, and we’ve had the capability to do Facebook live or or Zoom or whatever.

Sasha Gray [00:01:53]:
But until 2020, it’s like I never thought to get my family that’s in Kansas together on, you know, 3 different screens. And it was like, hello. I could’ve done this a long time ago. But so I think in that way, it helped us connect. But, yes, I think people really want that connection. And that’s one of the things I try really hard to promote. I’m not sure that’s the right word, but to to portray or to to have the opportunity to use is that community. You know, that’s what I work towards in my glitter and grace club, for example.

Jen Hardy [00:02:26]:
Yeah. And that’s so important. And so is your community it’s all women?

Sasha Gray [00:02:32]:
It is. It is. I think I think of the of the people that have owned my page, like, 3% are men. And occasionally, they’ll show up on a live and like, oh, hello. We might be talking about, you know, bras today, but, hey. It’s okay. Maybe you need one. Maybe you have a woman in your life.

Sasha Gray [00:02:50]:
But it’s, women. I do have a paid membership that is only women, and it’s the glitter and grace club because you can’t, again, have too much glitter. And that is that place is the community that I put together because I believe people are searching for that.

Jen Hardy [00:03:08]:
Yeah. And you talk you know, one of the things speaking of friends and connections, one of the things that really struck me, and it’s been a little while now. And for those of you listening, we did have an interview a month ago and I had. Tech problems. And so we’re doing this again. And so I’ve got to re I got to rethink all the things I was asking. But you talk about friendships as we age and how they change. Can you talk about that a little bit? Because I I noticed it, and I thought it was just me.

Jen Hardy [00:03:35]:
So it was very nice to hear you talking.

Sasha Gray [00:03:38]:
Absolutely. You know, there are seasons to life, and there are seasons to friendships. I think we forget that, you know, as we’re going through the baby stage, for example, all our friends are usually in that oh my gosh. What diapers are you using? And my kid cried all night. And then we age, and and that part naturally happens. And the our society and our culture that we’re in ages as well. But then sometimes people drift away. Sometimes people move away.

Sasha Gray [00:04:06]:
Sometimes we move. Sometimes when I say move, I mean physically move. We move to another location, but maybe we take a different job. Or maybe, we are now caring for parents, and we don’t have the time to invest in a friendship that was maybe a little one-sided to begin with. So I think the realization that we drift away from certain friendships and we drift toward others I really like that that analogy of we drift in and out of once. It’s not a bad thing to end a friendship that’s that’s just not working, but you also don’t have to necessarily end it per se. You can continue it from afar. You can still wish them well.

Sasha Gray [00:04:46]:
You can still send a Christmas card.

Jen Hardy [00:04:48]:
I mean, you can do whatever you want to,

Sasha Gray [00:04:49]:
of course. But but I think we are so so conditioned to never change anything and hold on to something even though it’s not providing anything for anybody that we forget that we can say, you know, this is the direction I mean, you don’t have to make a public declaration, but it’s like, it’s okay. I’m going over here in this direction. My friend is going in this direction. I call it bless and release. I’m gonna I’m gonna bless you in whatever it is you’re doing, in whatever direction you’re going, and I’m gonna release that obligation, that anticipation of waiting for us to make plans or whatever when it’s just not gonna happen.

Jen Hardy [00:05:29]:
That is honestly profound. So I’m telling you, I love that blessing release. So something that we talked about last time and you had said, and it blew my mind, honestly, because I just learned about boundaries this past year. Okay. So I’m 55 and I did not know what a boundary was and how to set 1 or enforce it. And I was talking to you about asking you questions and you said, just because you asked me something, I don’t have to answer it. I don’t have to answer anything I don’t want to. And it wasn’t rude.

Jen Hardy [00:05:59]:
I, if, if it’s coming across, it was not, it was very factual. And I thought, wait a minute. That means that I don’t have to answer anything. Someone asks me. Now, if you’re listening, you might think, well, obviously, but for someone who is raised without boundaries, no. So can you, how did you learn that? Is that something that you’ve always known or did you come upon that later?

Sasha Gray [00:06:22]:
I came on later and I I have my dog is in here who’s very old and and thinks there’s something outside. So I apologize for Whiskey’s barking. But, you know, I’m I’m a southern belle, good or bad, raised in the South. You’re polite. You yes, ma’am, no, ma’am, and you respect your elders, and you always, you know, you’re better to be seen and not heard. So all those pieces of the puzzle. Plus, I was raised at a very judgmental home, so I snap to attention whenever the snapping happened. So when you ask about you know, it was always like that.

Sasha Gray [00:06:52]:
No. This was very much a condition thing I had to create on my own. And it came about or it comes about because we, as a society, are very curious. Oh. And we, I’m so sorry. We’re very curious, and we wanna know things. And so sometimes people are asking very easy questions that lead into other questions that become that boundary. It’s it’s this wall you’re like, oh, wait a minute.

Sasha Gray [00:07:20]:
Wait just a minute here. I don’t believe that’s what we were talking about. So it it’s like I can divert. I can easily say, oh, that’s not something I’m gonna answer right now. Or I can simply say, oh, how about those Braves? Insert your team of choice. I don’t care. And, you know, and and, of course, they’re like, what? The other thing that is a a big thing of mine is when people give unsolicited advice. I know you you find that shocking that people give unsolicited advice.

Sasha Gray [00:07:52]:
I’m a recovering fixer. Okay? I used to be the fixer. If you said I can’t go because I have to insert reason, I’ll fix that for you so you can go. And so I learned when a friend, no longer a friend I might add, said to me, oh, 25 years ago I said something about let’s go here, and she said, no. I can’t for whatever reason. And she said, don’t fix that for me. And I was like, oh, perhaps I have a problem. And I realized I was a fixer.

Sasha Gray [00:08:24]:
So I this is gonna all wrap around. I promise. So one thing when people tell me things or or give me that advice or try to indicate that perhaps I’m doing something wrong, my reply is always, thanks for letting me know. And I’m done. What are they gonna say after that? Thanks for letting me know. I’m gonna move on with my life now. But I’ve got that tidbit of your information. I’m gonna let it go right out.

Sasha Gray [00:08:53]:
So the boundaries that we have, I think, are instilled from a very young age and the way we grew up and all those pieces of that puzzle. But to be able to say and to be able to realize, to be able to know, and to believe that I don’t have to answer that question because you’re not, you know, my boss or or you’re not the boss of me. So you I don’t have to answer any questions that I don’t want to answer. Or it’s even more fun for me just to make up crazy answers. You know? I’m just sure. Go ahead and ask me anything you want. The storyteller in me just loves it.

Jen Hardy [00:09:32]:
I love that. Yeah. My daughter made up a middle name. Oh my gosh. 1 of my daughter one of my older daughters. And she said that I named her I named her middle name Peaches because she didn’t wanna tell people what it was. It had a long story that I thought was beautiful, turned out to not be beautiful, but whatever. And so everyone would say, did you, did you really name her peaches? I said, well, did she tell you I did? Then I must have, if that’s what she said.

Jen Hardy [00:09:55]:
And, she, she just, I don’t know. So funny.

Sasha Gray [00:09:59]:
I love that. You know, I think it’s this, this culture, this quest to get the information first. And I blame I do blame social media for that sometimes because in the past, you know, before social media reporters checked things or were facts, those little things called facts, which are not important now, details. And so now you find that people just it’s like, I have to know, and I wanna be the first to say it. So I think that bleeds over into our personal lives and sometimes, like, oh, what’s the gossip? Spill the tea kind of thing. And I think we’ve we’ve forgotten that we don’t have to answer. And we can I I’m oh, yeah? I make up some things. Yeah.

Sasha Gray [00:10:37]:
I I use a cane often if I’m walking long distances, and it’s a very beautiful cane. It has a dragon on it, and people often comment about it. And sometimes if I’m in the mood, I say, well, the ashes of my ex husband are inside. Inside. And, of course, sometimes I say my ex husbands. And I was with a friend, and I said that, and she’s looking at me. She’s going, really? I’m like, no. No.

Sasha Gray [00:11:01]:
There’s no ashes in my existence in here. But, you know, it’s that kind of fun thing. And so now I’m labeled as a liar with all your your viewers, but, no. It’s it’s just it’s to me, it’s a boundaries issue, and and I get to I get to create my own story.

Jen Hardy [00:11:17]:
I love that. You know, I had somebody on the show and it was another one of those things. And because it flows right with that. And he said, you know, every, every part of your life is a chapter and you get to be the author of your next chapter. So if you have not been the author yet, you get to be, You know, it just that perfect but it goes along with that. You get to write your own story. And it doesn’t know it doesn’t mean you’re a liar. Just if but if people are asking things that they know they know better, and if they don’t, they should.

Jen Hardy [00:11:45]:
Right? Right. It’s you know, I have 7 children, and I can’t tell you do you know how many times strangers have asked me, do they all have the same dad? Well, excuse me. There are so many responses to that that I now say that I never said before.

Sasha Gray [00:12:00]:
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Jen Hardy [00:12:01]:
But very I mean, people are just so rude and and they go to the negative right right away a lot of times. And, and assuming, and you know what happens when you assume we can’t say on the show. Oh, there goes my dogs. We’ll see. It’s a cacophony of dogs. If you’re listening, I hope you like them because we’re going to keep going. Otherwise, we won’t finish. Alright.

Jen Hardy [00:12:23]:
So what are some new and exciting things that are going on with you, Sasha?

Sasha Gray [00:12:27]:
Oh, you know, life life is a it’s an adventure. Life is an adventure, and my goal in life is to seek joy. When somebody says, what do you do? I hope my answer is, very well. Thank you. But I also hope my answer is, I seek joy wherever I go. So I wanna put that out into the world as well. I, the glitter and grace club is a magical place, and it’s my paid membership, online community. It’s phenomenal.

Sasha Gray [00:13:00]:
I can’t begin to tell you how phenomenal it is. Phenomenal. I can’t even say that word till let’s use the word fabulous. And so I won’t I won’t go into that. But I’m also doing a lot of workshops. The next one coming up is boundaries. Funny you should mention that. It’s sometime in May.

Sasha Gray [00:13:13]:
I don’t remember off the top of my head, but they can find it on my website. And I do workshops each month. They’re short and quick. They’re, an hour long because I know that nobody has time for anything else. We don’t have time for 4 days. Okay? I want to do that, but we don’t have time for that. So I do 1 hour workshops, and they’re of course, they’re recorded. You can watch them anytime you want.

Sasha Gray [00:13:34]:
I am working hard on programs that help as many people as as can be that sounds strange. I wanna help more people than 1 to 1 coaching. That’s what I wanna say. That’s a finite amount of time. And so what I’m working on is creating more group coaching. I’m a firm believer that, especially in our age group, and not just in our age group but especially in our age group, we we didn’t get this training. We didn’t get this discussion. Forget training.

Sasha Gray [00:14:06]:
Forget lessons. We didn’t even get the discussions of the things that people are dealing with now. And they were dealing with them before, but nobody talked about them. It was a big secret and apparently a very wrong thing. So the things that we’re dealing with now, overwhelm, boundaries, confidence, emptiness, the social media buzz in our head all the time. Those things that we’re dealing with, the emotional responses of millennials, dealing with dealing I have a teenager too. Dealing with maybe parents that were having to care for and being in the sandwich generation, all those things, we were never they were just never discussed. And I think people our age in this 50 and over group and younger too, but were really desperate for answers.

Sasha Gray [00:15:01]:
And the here’s the thing that I believe wholeheartedly. It’s not that we don’t know the answers so much as we don’t even know what the questions are. How can I get the answers when I don’t know what to look for? You know?

Jen Hardy [00:15:15]:
So profound and true. Yes.

Sasha Gray [00:15:18]:
So I’m working hard on creating more group coaching and and workshops that help us do just that, to find those answers, again, to the things you didn’t even know what you needed to know. And, so that’s that’s where I am. You can find all that on my website.

Jen Hardy [00:15:32]:
And I’ll have the links and everything. So if you’re listening, you can do that because I’m telling you what, if you have not met Sasha or seen Sasha, you’re going to want to go and find her because she is phenomenal and just a down to earth normal person. And I think that’s, you know, that’s the thing. There’s so many things out there of people, you know, like people over 50, and they’re saying, oh, you know, this and that, but then they’ve had all this work done. They’ve had all this stuff, and they’re not your average person. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that. I mean, if you wanna do all that, go for it. But I I don’t want somebody who’s had all the work done telling me how to put my makeup on because, clearly, my face isn’t gonna look like yours.

Jen Hardy [00:16:12]:
And I don’t want somebody who’s led this perfect life and done all these things and just had everything handed to them. Tell me how to cope with things that are going on because they don’t know. And talk to those. And, you know, and I think that’s some of the things, you know, we’ve, I’ve been through a lot of stuff and, you know, some of my kids have been through some stuff and they said, you know, this seems unfair and why and why. And I said, you know, I think I believe that the reason is because, you know, you’ve wanted 2 choices. You can wallow in it, or you can take what you’ve learned and help other people get through it.

Sasha Gray [00:16:45]:
1,000 percent. Being real. You know? You you talk everybody’s been through stuff. Okay? And my son has been missing for 8 years, and a lot of people have said to me, as you can imagine, everything under the sun from you know, you’re doing why are you bothering with this now, and and why aren’t you looking for him every moment? So it’s it’s gone the the whole gamut. But my point is you’re right. I could curl up in the fetal position in a corner, Or I’m still here. I’m still living. I’m still going.

Sasha Gray [00:17:15]:
I’m still doing because my life is is still continuing, and I’m not done yet. Okay? I’m not done yet.

Jen Hardy [00:17:26]:
Yeah. And, you know, and that’s something and and this is not a topic but if you are somebody that is dealing with, adult child situation, just know that you’re not alone. Right. I’ve got a situation that I don’t talk about either. It’s making me wanna cry right now, but there’s so many of us. And I’m just gonna point out, and, Sasha, I don’t know how much you’ve seen this, but, for some reason, TikTok thinks that the feed I want to see is a bunch of 20 year olds telling other 20 year olds to never talk to their parents again. Mhmm. And it’s it’s everywhere.

Jen Hardy [00:18:03]:
I mean, that’s everything I get for some reason. And it’s, if they’ve ever done anything to make you mad, if they ever punished you, if they ever took anything away, cut them off forever. And so if you are hearing or watching and and you’re wondering what the heck has happened, it’s it’s not you. So, you may be part of it, but but, unless you did something horrible. You know?

Sasha Gray [00:18:28]:
You know, it’s interesting. I I have was on a Zoom call last night with my private the membership glitter and grace club, and that topic came up. And I’m trying to think how many people were on there, but let’s suffice it to say that more than half of them said adult children or not just adult children, but children parent relationships. They were struggling. We were struggling with some issue that was pretty major. And I do think it is rampant, and, I don’t know why. You’re right. I don’t I don’t know why.

Jen Hardy [00:18:59]:
I have a conspiracy theory, but this isn’t the time to share. So, anyway, I’m just. Well, yeah. Anyway. Yeah. Well, whatever it is. But, but yeah. So, and I think, you know, and and that’s the thing about about you Sasha is that, you know, you talk about some of the heavy things, talk about some of the light things, but it’s always with a smile and it’s always with, you know, the glittering grace.

Jen Hardy [00:19:23]:
Right. Because that is, like I said, I mean, we have 2 choices and I love the way that you get through things. And I think that’s really what drew me to you years ago is that you share some personal things, some of it’s nobody’s business, but enough for people to know that you’re real. Yeah. And and give them hope that I think that’s what the world needs right now. Everybody, we all need some hope.

Sasha Gray [00:19:49]:
I agree. I agree. I’m a joy seeker, and that’s what I’m gonna I love I love that thought. I saw a bumper sticker a 100 years ago that said don’t postpone joy, That has been it. I mean, talk about something sticking with you. I looked for the 1st 20 years for that precise bumper sticker in a store, and now, of course, I can make all I want, but, don’t postpone joy. That’s that’s the the mantra I wanna live with.

Jen Hardy [00:20:17]:
I love that so much. So let’s say somebody’s listening, and they’re thinking, oh, I can’t. What can I do? I can have joy. I’ve got to do this. I’ve got to do that. What would be your, what would you say to that person?

Sasha Gray [00:20:31]:
The very first thing I’d say is to find 1 minute, 2 minutes, hopefully, 5 minutes. Go in the closet, get in the car, go to McDonald’s. Time by yourself and ask yourself this question. This is a biggie. Who am I? And the first ten things are gonna be wife, daughter, mother, teacher, grandmother, whatever. But when you get through with those titles, I want you to think about who you are, and then I want you to think about who you want to be. And by being intentional with that second list, you can begin to find the joy or the love or the happiness or whatever it is you’re seeking. But you have to answer that question first.

Sasha Gray [00:21:15]:
Who am I, and who do I want to be? Those are hard questions. We’re nobody ever asks us that. Nobody ever says, what will make you happy? They say, what time are you home for dinner? I mean, nobody asks us questions. You know? Or what’s for dinner? Where are my clean pants? That’s the questions you get. So nobody ever says, who are you, and what do you want?

Jen Hardy [00:21:42]:
And those are so profound. And, you know, I have to tell you. I talked to somebody this he’s a business coach, and I talked to him for the first time. It’s 3 days in a row this weekend because he was really helping me. And and I’m trying to figure out, you know, because I’m all scattered and not in a good way, though. But I’m more. And, my world’s got a little mad. And, so he said the first thing you really need to realize and write this down is that Jen matters.

Sasha Gray [00:22:07]:
Mhmm. And And

Jen Hardy [00:22:07]:
I was like, wow. It’s just something that I needed to hear. But then his question is very similar to yours, and I’ve been asking my family and they’re like, you’re nuts. Why are you asking me this? And this is his question. If you were the hero of your own story, what would your life look like?

Sasha Gray [00:22:23]:
Yeah.

Jen Hardy [00:22:24]:
And that doesn’t mean that no one else is important. It doesn’t mean you don’t take care of them. It doesn’t mean they don’t matter. But we should be the hero of our own story. And a lot of people, especially in our age group, we are not because it was, oh, who do you think you are? And that, that, that saying all the time, who do you think you are? You’re a no, and then fill in the blank, you know, right. Whatever it is. And I think that a, there’s nothing wrong with being the hero of our own story. And b, yeah.

Jen Hardy [00:22:54]:
Who would you be? I’m still trying to figure that out. I pretty much know.

Sasha Gray [00:22:59]:
Yep.

Jen Hardy [00:23:00]:
But if I feel selfish thinking it, and I don’t need to.

Sasha Gray [00:23:05]:
No. And and that brings on another thing that nobody that was just a term that was coined recently as impostor syndrome, and that is because we were told, who do you think you are? Yeah. Yeah. And so now when we are who we think we are, impostor syndrome slaps us upside the head and says, who do you think you are? You know? I did an exercise last week with the Liberty Price Club about because the theme was motivation, and we were talking about visualization. So we’re talking about the hero of your own story. That was part of it. Visualize this piece. And I’m a big believer in visualization, because then your brain starts working towards, oh, that’s what she wants.

Sasha Gray [00:23:40]:
That’s what she saw. And your brain is, I’m just loving the brain science. But when you start visualizing and you start piecing those things together that you want, again, not selfish, but that you want because nobody ever asked you what you wanted before, then your brain starts saying, oh, I see it. It’s just like when you buy a red car, and then you see all the red cars. Right? So you start visualizing what you want, even if it’s little tiny pieces of the puzzle, and you get to that, then your brain starts showing you those things. It’s part of the law of attraction too. I’m a I’m a law of attraction coach as well. And so it’s it’s part of that process.

Sasha Gray [00:24:16]:
It’s a wonderful thing.

Jen Hardy [00:24:18]:
It is. It is. And whether you think, oh, well, that’s a bunch of whatever or not. The the fact is this. If you think I’m going to fail, I’m not gonna succeed. I’m going to do all the bad things you are because that’s where the path you’ve set yourself on. But if you see, if you tell yourself I’m going to be successful, that’s the way you’re going. You’re going to move in that direction.

Jen Hardy [00:24:42]:
It’s just, that’s just truth. So I think it’s so important. And and I think we were just we were told. Yeah. Is that who do you think you are? Why do you why do you want that for yourself? Why do you think you do? Because I’m a human, and if other humans can get there, I can get there too. I mean, that’s that’s it. Right?

Sasha Gray [00:25:01]:
Absolutely. Absolutely. I’m a big believer in affirmations as well. And on my website, under freebies, you can find a list of 12 or 15, and you can print them off. There’s no email needed. Just go there and get them. And, you know, pick 1. Make your own.

Sasha Gray [00:25:14]:
But every day wake up and the first thing you say is I am whatever that is. And, you know, it it sounds silly you were talking about talking to your business coach, but one of the things I learned years ago because I’m also a business coach is I am and then whatever. I am a life coach. I am a coach. And you say that out loud enough so that when someone says, hey. What do you do? I am and it just happens. And and I’ve talked to other clients and I say, okay. Here’s when somebody says, what do you do now? This is what I want you to say.

Sasha Gray [00:25:44]:
I am whatever. Maybe it’s happy. Maybe it’s, you

Jen Hardy [00:25:50]:
know healthy.

Sasha Gray [00:25:51]:
Maybe it’s healthy. Maybe it’s happy to be living in this moment. You know? I have health issues as well, and it’s like, gosh. I’m happy I was able to get out of bed today, you know, kind of thing. But I am a life coach. I am a student. I am a joy seeker.

Jen Hardy [00:26:09]:
I love that. And I think we’re gonna end right there on that because I want you all to go out and be a joy seeker this week, search for that and, and create that I am statement. I mean, a pencil and a post it note, that’s all you need and put it up on that bathroom mirror. And when you get up, that’s the first thing you’re gonna see because you can. And, Sokka, I just appreciate all of your glitter and sparkle and love and joy, and thank you for coming and sharing it on the show today.

Sasha Gray [00:26:38]:
I am honored to be here. Thank you. It was great to see you again.

Jen Hardy [00:26:43]:
Oh my goodness. Now do you see why? I look up to her. I love her. I admire her, and you will do the more you get to know her. Plus, we can seek joy together. How exciting is that? And Sasha and I have a little something planned. If you want to get to know her better in person, shh, stay tuned, and stay fabulous.