My neck has fallen and it can’t get up!

Jen Hardy [00:00:10]:

Welcome to the fabulous over 50 podcast, where we encourage, inspire, and empower women over 50 to find their fabulousness and live the life of their dreams. I’m your host, Jen Hardy, and I am your guide guide on this journey to help you navigate this new time period in our lives. And today’s episode is going to be a pretty personal journey because my neck has fallen and it can’t get up. Hey there. It’s Jen. And I’m here to talk about necks. Necks in women over 50. My neck has fallen, and it can’t get up! I have, well, an age problem which I cannot solve.

Jen Hardy [00:00:54]:

And I also have muscular dystrophy. And what happens with that is that the muscles atrophy and they’re replaced by fat, and parts of your body that are affected by muscular dystrophy just don’t look the same as everything else. And with my health, I will go along a straight line and be fine, and then things will kind of start going downhill. And unfortunately, at this point in my life, literally going downhill. And then it’ll kind of flatten out again. But I never get back what I lost. All right? And so what I have really noticed in the last week is things have happened to my neck and my face that I never thought were going to happen. And I realize I’m only in my 50s.

Jen Hardy [00:01:39]:

It’s not that bad. I get it. I get what’s coming. But I wasn’t prepared. I wasn’t prepared for how fast my body has changed. And so I thought I would take you on the journey of trying to change my lights around and do different things to make it look better, because I can’t do any kind of surgical thing because of my health. And so I can’t take the chance on doing a surgery by choice that may make things so much worse. So I’m going to be natural.

Jen Hardy [00:02:10]:

I’m going to age naturally. I’m going to age gracefully. I’m going to embrace it 95% of the time, but there’s 5% of the time like today when I’m really struggling and I want to be transparent with that and I want to share with you what’s really happening on my journey. So that is what today is all about. So I’ll be back in just a minute and see how things are with the new life. And we’ll talk about that. The microphone kind of hides. There we go.

Jen Hardy [00:02:40]:

We’re going to put it up and aim it down. There we go. So it’s not hiding my neck. All right. See, right now I have the sun coming in through the window, and so it really helps. But I have these lines, and they come down from the corners of my mouth and they just keep going. And now they’ve, like, pulled the skin in towards my neck into what some people lovingly call jowels. And then there’s this fun thing that people call chicken neck, which is where it kind of gathers together and it’s unpleasant.

Jen Hardy [00:03:18]:

And I know most people don’t notice it, but as women, we notice every part of our body. And so what I did was I got these funky little lights, and they’re supposed to, oh, do some things and help with the way that this looks. So they go in different colors and they do different things. And my goal is that as I angle them differently, that I look different. Now, if you’re listening to the podcast, you’re thinking, why do I give a crap about your lights? And that is partially true, but I’m also going to share, as I’ve shared before I grew up in Los Angeles. You may live there and think I’m crazy, but for me, when I lived there, there was a very intense focus on appearance, and it really mattered what you look like. And so I know that I need to be better and not worry about that. But I’m going to be brutally honest with you because I think we’re all in this together.

Jen Hardy [00:04:27]:

I’m struggling, man. I’m struggling. If you are too, let me know. Yeah. This is all about being fabulous over 50. This is also about being real and being honest and sharing with you what I’m dealing with. Because if I’m dealing with it, I know that somebody else is too. And if you’re still listening because you are part of the Hardy Mom community, well, girlfriend, your body is having changes too, no matter how old you are.

Jen Hardy [00:04:59]:

I remember when I turned 30, things changed, and I can’t tell you exactly what those changes were, but they changed. It changed, and I wasn’t prepared for it. So right now, if I have these low lights, then my glasses reflect on my eyebrows, and I look like I have seriously mean, angry eyebrows. But as I bring the lights up to a mid range, they’re like around the level of my cheeks. I’m finding that it takes away that bad neck thing and doesn’t give me those whatever. So now I’m going to have to figure out how to get these lights at the exact right spot so that I can do this. Because when you’re making videos, yeah, there’s a beauty to being real and authentic and yourself, but it really also makes you very self conscious and makes you feel like you’re inefficient being watched. And I have not gotten negative responses at all about talking about age and talking about whatever.

Jen Hardy [00:06:08]:

This is internal, but I want to share it because like I said, talking about being fabulous is a state of mind and how we handle the changes and how we handle our lives, it is all in our mind, right? Like, you couldn’t be a multimillionaire. You could be a billionaire in a huge mansion and be miserable and depressed, and you can be like on food stamps in government housing and be totally happy. So fabulous does not have to be money. Fabulous is all about how we look at where we are how we handle where we’re where we are and how we handle what’s going on. And I want you to see the best of me most of the time, but I want you to see the real me all of the time. And today is a struggle, and I’m going to be very open about that. Now, if I turn my fancy lights off and I sit here in the shadow and I look at myself, I am working on loving what I see. If you feel that way, if you’re working on loving what you see when you look in the mirror, reach out to me.

Jen Hardy [00:07:46]:

Reach out to me. You can go to Jenhardy net contact, because that’s the easiest way. Send me a message. Let me know how do you feel inside the body that’s doing things that you can’t control? Are you feeling good about that? Are you struggling with it? And if you’re just fully in to growing older and you cherish every wrinkle, like I said, always said I would, because each wrinkle means that it’s part of our story, right? And it’s important. If you really can do that, will you message me and let me know what your thought process is? Because I want to be able to share that with other people. I could even interview you, or you can just leave me a message and tell me, how are you getting through this? Because like I said, 95% of the time, I’m doing really well. I feel good about myself. I feel great about what I’m achieving and the information I’m sharing and everything.

Jen Hardy [00:08:56]:

But inside myself, that 5%, when it’s happening, feels like a hundred. So all right, I’m going to take a pause, and I’m going to come back in a minute. Okay, I’m back. Now, if you’re listening to the podcast, I just had to take a quick breather. And if you’re watching the video, you’ll notice that I also changed some lights around and made it a little bit different. I added a third light to achieve a look that I don’t hate. And this is just really interesting. And I want you to know this isn’t about the lights.

Jen Hardy [00:09:31]:

It’s about our interpretation of how we look. It’s about my interpretation of how I look and my aging and the process. And I’m really working on sharing with you exactly what is happening and where I am, because I feel like a lot of time, people are out there like, oh, just feel great about yourself. Oh, it’s all this body positivity. Which, sure, I mean, we don’t want people hating themselves, but if we don’t share the truth behind what’s happening and how we really have ups and downs, we are doing a disservice. We as in people who create content like this. And so I took a break because I wanted to go find a quote from someone that I absolutely love. So St.

Jen Hardy [00:10:26]:

Catherine of Sienna was an amazing woman, and this quote. I printed it out and I put it up in my bathroom, because when I’m having thoughts like this, I need it. And so I think if you’ve listened this long to this episode, I’m going to get a little deeper with my own journey with you, because I have struggled with anorexia from ever ever since I can remember. I don’t remember a time that I wasn’t worried about my weight. And I was five eight and £120 in high school and was so sad. I couldn’t lose more weight because of how fat I was. That is not fat. That is a problem.

Jen Hardy [00:11:12]:

And I would struggle with starving myself, and I would struggle with actually using laxatives if I ate is a thing. That part’s embarrassing, but whatever, I’m just talking. And that’s what I did. And ironically, I turned 50 and started feeling really good about my body. Well, the thing with me, the weird thing my husband and I were just talking about this earlier is when I was 20, I looked like I was 30 and I look like I was 30 until I was 52. And then, boom, overnight, I did not look 30 anymore. And this year, well, you know, 2022, I had COVID pneumonia, a heart attack, and a stroke. And did that ever take a toll on my body, those things together. Which is part of what contributed to the fact that my neck fell and it can’t get up.

Jen Hardy [00:12:07]:

I’m guessing that the first thing kind of triggered everything else, but it was a whole lot. It was a whole lot for my body. And I think that’s why gravity is kicking in and because my body, all it could do was fight to stay alive at that point. Anyway. So this quote, what is it you want to change? Your hair, your face, your body? Why? For God is in love with all those things, and he might weep when they are gone. Now, if you don’t believe in God, then that quote is going to be meaningless. But if you do believe in God, I think he might weep when they are gone, right? We’ve been made to be a certain way, whether you believe in God or not. You were born the person you were meant to be born.

Jen Hardy [00:12:57]:

You were born just the way you are with the genetics you’re meant to be born with. Why? I don’t know. We won’t know. And the fact that I believe that there’s a heaven and I can ask those questions at some point gives me some comfort. And it’s okay that I can’t have the answers now because I know that one day I’ll have them. But regardless of your belief system, you are the woman you’re supposed to be. Your graying hair, your wrinkles, your height, your diagnosed illnesses, if you have any. All of this makes up who we are supposed to be in this moment.

Jen Hardy [00:13:42]:

And sometimes it’s hard to wrap my brain around. And maybe it is for you, too, maybe it isn’t. And like I said, I mean, email me. You can email me, Jen@jenhardy.net, just shoot it right through if you want. How are you feeling about you? Are you feeling great? Is there a struggle? And it’s funny, we all have that one thing we’re real self conscious about and other people don’t even notice, but we do. And I think part of the reason I’m struggling is because somebody made a comment that was not meant to be hurtful or judgmental in any way. But they compared me to Betty White. And while Betty White was an incredible woman, they referenced that in terms of age.

Jen Hardy [00:14:44]:

And that hurt. It did, it hurt. And I got to dig deeper into that. But it really made me take a look at what I look like and it made me realize I don’t look 30 anymore. And that’s okay because I’m 54, I shouldn’t look 30. But I know how this process works. I know what’s coming and I’m a little scared. So today I don’t want to leave you with something negative.

Jen Hardy [00:15:34]:

I just want to leave you with some questions. How do you feel in your skin? And what can you do to feel better in your skin? For me, it’s this quote, and even as I read it to you, it made me think, okay, Jen, you know, you’re who you’re supposed to be and those extra wrinkles and that extra skin on your neck and the wrinkles that are to come. And when I smile now, man oh man, I’m in my fifty s. And that’s okay, it’s okay. I love where I am in the world. I love where I am with my husband, with my young children. I would love it. It was better with my older children.

Jen Hardy [00:16:26]:

I miss some of them like crazy, but I love my life and I just need that extra 5% to come back together. So before we go, I’m going to leave you with this quote. I’m going to say it again. What is it you want to change? Your hair? Your face? Your body? Why? For God is in love with all those things and he might weep when they are gone. And growing older means we’re still here, right? I mean, we’re still alive. We wake up, we breathe every day and we are the people we’re supposed to be. I love you exactly where you are. I am thankful for you and I appreciate you and I want you to know that you’re loved.

Jen Hardy [00:17:20]:

I’m starting a new thing called Jen’s Friends where I’m going to send out a daily video email every single day, only a minute or two, and it’s going to encourage you. And the reason I’m doing that is because as my older kids have grown up and they’ve moved out and I don’t hear from them as often as I’d like to or some of them at all. And I know other women are dealing with that. Or maybe you haven’t had kids and you’re at this point where all your friends are doing their own things and sometimes it’s lonely. Maybe you don’t have a husband or he’s checked out and he is not telling you. They don’t always know what we need to hear. I want to give you that. So Jenhardy Net friends, you can sign up and it’s going to be wonderful and you’re going to hear every day that you’re loved because everyone needs that.

Jen Hardy [00:18:18]:

And I want to make sure that every woman out there in the world knows how important of a person she is and how important her place is in the world. Just like yours. Just like mine. So if you know someone who needs that, maybe you have an older woman in your family who’s living on her own and you just think, man, I wish I could call her more. I wish I could visit her more, sign her up, gift her this, because it’s going to make a difference in her life. So that’s my new project. That’s my new excitement. And I know I sound a little bit more subdued today.

Jen Hardy [00:18:58]:

I’m having a little bit of trouble breathing. That’s normal for me. It comes and goes and I just have to take it a little easy. So that’s what I’m doing. And I want you to know that I love you, I appreciate you, I want you to stay tuned and stay fabulous and I will see you next week’s.