In Sickness and in Health Vows – Finding the fun

Jen Hardy [00:00:10]:

Welcome to the fabulous over 50 podcast where we encourage, inspire, and empower women to find their fabulous and live the life of their dreams. I’m your host, Jen Hardy, and today, we’re gonna talk about that by talking about some things that might not feel so fabulous. like taking care of an ill husband and getting our final paperwork together. When I say final, that sounds really depressing, but I’m talking about things like wills, powers of attorneys, stuff like that. We’re gonna just briefly go over it why it’s important because it is so important. Okay. And it being sick is not fabulous, right? But having fun is. And that is why we’re going to talk about this episode. because
it’s not always easy.

Jen Hardy [00:01:01]:

And a lot of times sickness kind of hits us abruptly. And so this podcast is here. so that heaven forbid you ever go through this situation, or maybe you’re going through it now, you have somewhere to go to find some answers. Okay? Because You know, when you said in sickness and in health, you probably pictured a sniffle or maybe a slight fever, but then life throws a curveball. and your husband goes from being this strong DIY fix everything in the house man to the patient that you now have to nurse. And here’s a glimpse into what it’s like to care for an ill husband with just the right sprinkle of humor to keep things light. So in my house, we’ve both, my husband and I have tested those in sickness and in health vows. And let me tell you, It’s not as easy as it sounded on that wedding day, but we’ve each stepped up and we’ve learned to love each other even more through the trials of navigating health care. So how can we not just deal with it, but learn to have fun? that’s what today’s all about. Sickness, as I said, is not very fabulous feeling, but we’re going to learn how to enjoy it because Life has its up and downs. And if we just get in the pit of depression and the pit of despair in the downs, That’s not fabulous. Right? And we just we don’t wanna ride that coaster of a super high and super low and super high and super low. So when things come at us, We’re going to learn how to see the glass is did you know that if the glass is half full of water, it’s also have full of air, so it’s completely full. That’s how we’re gonna look at it. Okay? So the first thing that I need you to do is kick doctor Google out of your house. Both of you might be tempted to Google every single symptom. even if it’s just a sneeze, but let’s remember, not every hiccup is a sign of a rare undiscovered tropical disease. So let’s keep the actual doctors ready to call, but restrict WebMD visits to maybe once a week. seriously, guys. Don’t go down that rabbit hole. Just find out what you need to find out and get off the internet. Okay. Then we’re going to unleash our unleash our inner chef. When my husband had his first, partial knee replacement surgery, I had a captive audience for all kinds of new recipes. So we got the book whole 30, And we did it’s supposed to be 30 days of eating this super healthy stuff. We did whole 8 because that’s all I could handle making every single thing including dressings and mayonnaise and everything from scratch, but it was wonderful because he couldn’t get up and get himself snacks. And We discovered food sensitivities and allergies and all these things, and it was wonderful. So look at this as maybe a time to discover new things. And You can also turn making soup into an Olympic sport. If soupy things are what he needs to eat, you can learn to cook everything from chicken nougall chicken nougall. That’s a funny word. To vegan, gluten free, no sugar added, oxy, antioxidant pack, tomato, basil, quinoa soup, Whatever those things are that he needs, go for it. And by the end, you just might get a cooking show offer. Hey, have you seen nailed it? I’m telling you what, we wanna go on that show. It is hysterical. Speaking of cooking, do you remember when he couldn’t find the mustard in the fridge and you’d say, if you would, it was a snake, it would have bitten you. And now that he may have some food restrictions, things may look a little different because suddenly he can locate that last cookie hidden behind the broccoli. And isn’t it fascinating what ailments can do and time to one’s detective skills? The next thing is that Netflix and chill becomes literal. binge watching TV becomes a team sport. And for every tearjerker, that movie that you watch though, I need you to balance it out with a comedy. I would even go so far as to say, 5 comedies for every one sad movie. You don’t need that because that way you can say you’re doing emotional cardio, right? going up and down, but for real, don’t watch things that make you sad. And if your husband has to watch a lot of TV or has to sit a lot and do a lot of nothing, find things that you both like, find a way to make that together time, It never used to be together time for me. It wasn’t something that I enjoyed, but I have learned how to spend more time doing it. You’re also gonna learn a new vocabulary. You’re gonna master medical terms you never thought you’d need. If someone had told your younger self that words like submitter or nebul nebulizer would become household names, you might have laughed, but who’s laughing now? It’s still you because you need humor. Oh my goodness. Yeah. The oximetry, oximic, whatever. Oh my goodness. I cannot word it today. What is up with that? That’s okay, though. It’s one of those days. Here is another way to make things fun. Pajamas. Okay. If your husband wasn’t really a pajama guy, my husband isn’t too much of a pajama guy. But for Christmas every year, we get matching pajamas, and he wears them usually We have a design contest for our family or whatever, or sometimes I’ll just find something funny. And maybe you can find some funny PJs so that as he’s laying around

Jen Hardy [00:06:50]:

the house, he has something to smile about, or get yourself matching ones. Because if he’s gonna be in bed, he might as well look and feel fabulous. And then there’s the patients. You

Jen Hardy [00:07:05]:

thought teaching him how to use the washing machine was a test of patience?

Jen Hardy [00:07:08]:

Just wait until you have to explain why taking his medicine on time is essential. Breathe in, breathe out, and remember the love. Yes, honey. I know you took this yesterday, and I know you don’t like to take this medicine. but it’s really good for you. And if there’s medicine that he’s supposed to take, but he keeps complaining about side effects or whatever, please listen to that. and go to the doctor and have a conversation because a lot of times there are alternatives. So as much as we want to be helping them, We also really do have to remember to listen because I know when my husband feels very unwell. I tend to go into mom mode because that’s what I do, right? And I start treating him more like a child than my husband. And that’s just something to remember because they are still your husband. And they do still need things to fix control and take care of. And if you can find him things to fix control and take care of, even if he’s stuck in bed, you’re really going to help him out mentally. Men need that. We all need that. But when they feel like they don’t have anything to do that’s important or they’re not needed, things start to go badly. So just find some things. You know, maybe he can take over the the calendar, like, that’s on the phone. Maybe he can schedule things. Maybe he can make a bunch of phone calls. maybe he can write cards to the kids. And for a lot of us, our husband’s never did that before, and it was it’s very meaningful. when people get those cards. So there’s a lot of things that he can do from there. And just remember to let him. That’s the thing We have to remember. Okay? And rediscover your gratitude because in the midst of all of this chaos and worry and concern. You’re going to

Jen Hardy [00:09:10]:

find countless moments of

Jen Hardy [00:09:13]:

love. His smile after a tough day, the way he still tries to make you laugh, or that he’s turning to you for comfort You need to cherish these moments. It’s so important to find the beautiful, in the difficult. And I know you have it in you to do it. Sometimes it’s difficult when we feel alone and just know that you’re not alone. at all. There are so many people going through this same thing, and you feel free to reach out to me. because I know what you’re going through. Believe me. So as you’re going through all this, just remember that life has a funny way of reminding us about the vows we took. And while caring for us at husband can be a roller coaster, A little bit of laughter and a bucket load of love can make the journey a fabulous one, even though it’s not what we asked for. Through the thick and thin, Remember to laugh a little, love a lot, and make a lot of soup. Thank you so much for listening today. I hope this has helped. I know I’m not digging into the deep, deep parts, but I just am dealing with some of this and realized I had to share. And now for some more serious topics, we are going to talk about paperwork because

Jen Hardy [00:11:04]:

Really the perfect time to do your paperwork is ahead of being sick. So if you’re listening to this, and nobody’s got any problems, I need you to make an appointment with your lawyer if you haven’t already and get some of this stuff done. why? Well, because there is paperwork that we just have to have. And As we gracefully age, much like a fine wine, we want to acquire both flavor and, well, okay, we’ve acquired a little sentiment as well. And just as you wouldn’t want any surprises in your vintage cabernet, it’s the same with life. There’s certain documents, and we’re gonna call them grown up homework. that ensure that life’s later chapters are as smooth as that 82 bordeaux you’ve been saving. So we’re gonna dive in. to the must haves. Okay? We’re gonna talk about each paper and we’re gonna give you something serious why you need it and then something funny because Girl, that’s just what I need to do with this. Otherwise, it gets depressing. And who needs that? Certainly not me. Okay. Number 1, Super important, the last will and testament, or who gets my collection of ceramic kittens. So professional scoop. This is a legally binding document and it decides Who gets what from your worldly possessions? No more squabbles over your treasured possessions or ad or assets. And unless you like the idea of family members dueling over that kitschy clock or those holiday sweaters, you need to get this in writing. And if you have minor children, you need a

Jen Hardy [00:12:39]:

will, period. That’s it. please do it. And I’m also gonna just go on a bit of

Jen Hardy [00:12:47]:

a tangent about trusts, dear goodness, look into trusts, If you don’t want your family to have to pay a ton of tax to the government when you pass, then a trust is the way to go. especially for your home. So I’m not an attorney. I’m not giving you legal advice. Just look into it. Okay. Enough of the the will. The next one is the power of attorney. because adulting gets tiring. Okay. Professional side. It authorizes someone to handle your affairs if you’re not able to. It can be specific, like selling a house, or it could be general, like overseeing all of your financial matters. Now you’re gonna think of this as your personal assistant only without the option to fetch your coffee. Okay. For real though, If something happens where you’re not you’re living, but you’re not able to make your decisions, do you want to choose who’s making those decisions for you, or do you wanna the court to decide, or that one crazy uncle you’ve got. I think you want to. So get this power of attorney done before you need it. And that way when you do or if you do, maybe you never will, and that is the best scenario, but you’ll have it. Okay? Another one, super important, the advanced health care directive. And this is a document that dictates your medical wishes if you can’t communicate them. From lifesaving measures to your preferred care, this is your, say, in paper form. Okay? So this is things like, do you want to be resuscitated? Do you want them to perform CPR? Do you want them to pull the plug right away or to wait for a while? These are important decisions, and it is definitely best if you make them for yourself. So that’s why you need that. Alright? Now, a living will. What is a living will? It’s a type of advanced directive. and it’s about end of life care specifically. Machines, treatments, resuscitation choices, stuff like that. Okay? Now, you might say, well, what about the health advanced health care directive? You’re gonna talk to your lawyer about the difference between the 2. Boom. HIPAA releases, also known as the goss that pass for docs. this lets chosen ones access your medical records, ensuring they know your they’re HealthSaga’s full story. So here’s the deal. If you don’t want everyone in your family to know exactly what’s been happening and what you’re seeing the doctors for, you need to sign forms saying who can get things. Now what if you used to say that you know, cousin Susie could get all your stuff and now you don’t want her to, you just go back to the doctor and sign a new paper. That’s it. You’ve got this. Okay? So it’s just another thing that you wanna be making these decisions. Now the last one isn’t one paper specifically, but it’s beneficiary designations. Okay. This is a part of most of your financial accounts. life insurance, that sort of thing, and it decides who’s gonna inherit it. And it even overrides wills because if you wrote in 1982, that, you know, all your children split your home evenly, that’s fine. And or they split everything evenly, but then At the bank, you label one child as being your beneficiary. The bank is only going to give your money to that one child. So make sure that you go over these things and you have them written correctly because once you’re not there, you can’t change it, which seems obvious, but, you know, okay. So

Jen Hardy [00:16:41]:

why do we need all these papers? Because life is unpredictable. But with these, you’re like a scout. You’re always prepared, right? Plus you just want to be the one who makes the decision. You’ve lived your life. You get to decide. And don’t let anyone bully you into making choice that aren’t what you want because you can decide. Okay? So let’s get those papers in order. And once you do, I want you to reward yourself with something fabulous. Buy yourself an outfit. Take somebody out to dinner. Do something Whatever it takes to get yourself to get these done. And if you’re married, get them done for your spouse.

Jen Hardy [00:17:36]:

It’s very uncomfortable. These conversations can be uncomfortable. but I’ll tell you what’s fabulous.

Jen Hardy [00:17:44]:

Having them completed.

Jen Hardy [00:17:48]:

because it just gives you peace of mind when you or your spouse is sick. you know, and have these conversations with your kids. Let them know what’s coming, especially if it’s what you don’t think they expect. I’ll give you a, for instance, In Florida, minor children inherit the house, period. So we have 7 children. 2 of them are minor children. we have a home on an island. And guess what? If we both pass, it only goes to our minor children. This was not the happy news to our older children, but we let them know now so that god forbid something happens, they’re aware. Then they’re not dealing with a death and a major

Jen Hardy [00:18:35]:

shock. Okay? So like I said, seems to kinda deep. They might not sound fabulous. But like I said, getting it all done is fabulous. It’s peace of mind. It’s a calm strength. that you’ll have. And if you end up having to call 911 and one of you has an emergency or whatever, you have everything done. You just grab your paperwork and go to the hospital, and you’ve got your power of attorney and your advance directive and all that stuff settled. Don’t wait. Okay? And like as, yeah, treat yourself. Give yourself a goal and give yourself a treat. And if you’ve already got all this paperwork done, then you deserve a treat right now because you are fabulous. And you know what else is? taking the time to listen to the show. I love that you’re here. I love it so so much. And we’re wrapping up family months. We’ve been talking all about families this month. And next month, we’re gonna be talking about a man’s perspective.

Jen Hardy [00:19:42]:

It sounds like a lot of time to talk to men on a show of for women, but I’ve got a bunch of different men lined up. who are talking about all kinds of different things, how men look at women who are older. some of them are talking about their relationships with their wives and how they’ve progressed over the years. And then I’ve got a man. Oh my gosh. I can’t wait till the next episode because I talked to someone who has a podcast very similar to mine for men and women, and he helps

Jen Hardy [00:20:13]:

people after they’re going through significant changes at this time in their lives. He’s amazing, and I cannot wait to introduce you to him. So be sure to stay tuned. and stay fabulous.