2 Secrets to Looking Fabulous at Every Age

Jen Hardy [00:00:11]:
Welcome to the fabulous over 50 podcast. The show where we dive deep into what it means to live a vibrant fulfilling life after 50 and beyond. I’m your host Jen Hardy. And today, we’re exploring a topic that’s close to my heart and I believe is essential to every woman, the transformative power of confidence and a smile. Or – 2 secrets to looking fabulous at every age. You know, we hear about makeovers in the context of beauty magazines or reality shows where the focus is on external changes. You’ve seen them and they are incredible. You see this sad woman who feels very bad about herself and she goes in coming out feeling like a rock star. Unfortunately, most of us don’t have the opportunity to do that.

Jen Hardy [00:01:02]:
And I was thinking, alright. I’ve made a lot of changes in my appearance over the last couple of years, and I feel so much better about myself. So what is it? How can I break it down and how can I share it? But it turns out that the glitter and the sparkle and the rhinestones and the sequins and all of those fun things that I’m having a blast with are not the change. Any of that stuff is not the change. And I think that’s the secret. And that’s what I’ve been trying to explain. You don’t have to be blingy to be fabulous. Right? I mean, if seriously, you can just wear whatever you want.

Jen Hardy [00:01:45]:
It doesn’t have to do with the clothes, and that’s what we’re gonna talk about today. It’s feeling good about who you are. And the number one, we’re going to start with a smile because when you smile, people smile back at you. I don’t know if you’ve ever I go practice this. Okay? If you’re having a rough day and you go out there and you’re like, you know, and you’re kinda growling at people and snapping, and you just have that look on your face and you fold your arms and, you know, like, stay back. Get away from me. Well, they will. People will.

Jen Hardy [00:02:22]:
They’re turned off. They don’t they’re not attracted to that. Right? And you could be all dressed up and be all fancy, but if you walk into a group of people just growling and complaining and having this frown on your face, your impact is maybe memorable, but it’s not gonna be one that they wanna reach back out. Okay? If you walk into that same group of people and you have a huge smile on your face and a compliment for everybody, Let me tell you what every person in that group is gonna remember you. And they’re going to remember you as being beautiful because the main ingredient to beauty is a smile. It is a smile, I’m telling you, and and a and a genuine compliment, I would say go with that. If you can find something, something about each person that you run into and you can say, hey, you are amazing. You look really nice.

Jen Hardy [00:03:27]:
I like that necklace. Or I love the color of that shirt on you. It looks so good. You know, a great place to practice this is at a fast food drive through. Do you know why? They get complaints all the time. People are not happy because their fries are too cold or their ketchup was missing or, you know, whatever. But if you pull into that drive through and you smile at them and you say, wow, it’s so nice to talk to you. You lit up my day with your positive attitude or your whatever or, you know, anything.

Jen Hardy [00:04:04]:
Find but a legitimate thing. Right? Or, man, your hair looks great today. You are going to make their day. I’m telling you. And if you drop little nuggets like that everywhere you go, little bits of happiness like, there’s a there’s a lady at Walmart, and she was checking me out one day, and it’s the one by my house. And as much as I am opposed to shopping there, I can’t really help it. I live in an island, and they’re what has everything. So this lady’s having this really bad day and she’s frowning and, you know, kind of growling as she checks out.

Jen Hardy [00:04:36]:
And I said, hey, You know, how are you doing? And, well, you know, I’m really having trouble with my mom and and I said, oh, you wanna, you know, tell me about it. So while she’s checking out, she tells me about her mom. Well, the next time I go back in, I smile at her and I say, how? How’s your mom doing today? And she oh my gosh. She remembered? Actually, she’s having a better day today. And the next time I go in, hey, how’s your mom doing today? She was doing a little bit better last time. Oh my gosh, she’s doing and then she smiled the biggest smile. And now whenever I go in, she smiles at me and she’s happy to see me, she’s excited that I’m there. And, you know, if I had fed off her energy the first time and snapped at her, she either would have forgotten me entirely or she would have remembered me as that jerk who was mean to her the day her mom was sick.

Jen Hardy [00:05:27]:
Right? And so I think it’s so important. And do you think is she seeing me as being beautiful? Yes. And it doesn’t matter if I, you know, had my PJ pants on and a t shirt that day. It’s entirely possible. But because she sees the way I made her feel. And that’s that’s a quote I wanna say Maya Angelou. I might be wrong, but people don’t remember what you did. They remember how you made them feel.

Jen Hardy [00:05:58]:
Something like that. Something about people remember how you made them feel. And and I’m telling you, the smile, it’s so important. So that is what makes your face beautiful. And you can think, well, you know, gravity’s kicking in. I got these wrinkles. Every time I smile though, my eyes wrinkle up, which they do, but you know what that means? It’s from all those times that you’ve smiled before. And and you really, we have to get into this new mindset of what is beautiful, right? What is it? Is it a perfectly still face that no wrinkles are on or is it a smile and we might have eye creases, but I’m telling you it’s so much more beautiful.

Jen Hardy [00:06:47]:
And the second thing we’re gonna talk about is confidence. Confidence is not something you’re born with. It’s something you build, and it’s not about being the loudest in the room or never having doubts. Okay? It’s about embracing who you are, flaws and all, and walking through life knowing that you are worthy of respect and love. Alright, so how do we build this confidence, especially in a society that seems to value youth over wisdom? It starts with small steps. Now maybe you’re somebody who’s already confident and you’re you don’t need to listen. Well, I tell you what, If you don’t need to listen, send this episode to one of your friends. I guarantee you, most of your friends are dealing with confidence, especially at this age.

Jen Hardy [00:07:36]:
Pick 1. Send it. I’m telling you. Send it to somebody who’s been telling you that they’re struggling. If you have friends, there is at least one person who has been. And so how are we gonna get this confidence? Especially, you know, if you’ve been through some situations in your life where people have put you down, people have made you feel bad, people have told you things about the way you act and the way you look to make you feel bad about yourself. It is time to let those voices go. You just gotta let them go.

Jen Hardy [00:08:10]:
I’ve been noticing when I think of negative things, it’s called negative self talk. The way you talk to yourself, like, if you drop something, do you do you think, oh, that was slippery, or do you think, oh, I’m such an idiot. Right? It’s the way we talk to ourself. If you’re constantly saying things like, I’m an idiot. I’m so ugly. I’m such a whatever. I’m such a jerk. I can’t believe I messed up again.

Jen Hardy [00:08:32]:
You’re telling yourself all these horrible things, and you wouldn’t say those things to someone you love. Right? And we need to love ourselves. So the next time you hear yourself, oh, I’m such an idiot. No. Replace that. I made a mistake. Usually I do better. I look really good today.

Jen Hardy [00:08:55]:
Well, I can’t believe that happened. I guess I’ve learned, and next time I’m not gonna do that again. Right? There’s so many good things you can replace it with. You also I encourage you to surround yourself with people who lift you up. Don’t surround yourself with those people who constantly pick at you. You don’t need that, you don’t deserve that. And and be kind to yourself. Speak to yourself like you would a dear friend.

Jen Hardy [00:09:25]:
Set boundaries, which is a whole other episode. We’ve done it once. I’d like to do it again because I did my first boundaries episode when I was just learning how to set them a year ago, 55 years old, and I was just learning how to do it. And now that I’m getting more confident in it, I’d love to talk to you again about that because boundaries. So many great things. Alright. So how do we find happiness and confident the in the confidence? And how do we find that because we have to be happy to smile. We have to be somewhat happy to be confident.

Jen Hardy [00:10:01]:
Right? So we’re gonna focus on gratitude, the thing we’re thankful for. Every day, find things you’re thankful for. Do the things that you’re good at. You know, we get to this age and a lot of times, we do the things we’ve been doing for a long time because that’s what we’ve been doing. That’s what we’re used to and we continue. They aren’t necessarily things that need to be done and they aren’t necessarily things that make us happy. So, you know, take a look at your life and think, am I, you know, am I going out to brunch every Tuesday with a bunch of people that make me feel bad about myself? You don’t have to go to the brunch. And do I have things in my home that other people have given me because I feel guilty for getting rid of them, but those people really made me sad and I think these things are ugly? Get rid of the things.

Jen Hardy [00:10:56]:
Replace them with things that you get that make you feel good. And it doesn’t matter if they’re not something that’s in a Showcase Home Magazine this year. It can be something that you really like. Alright? It’s so important. Alright. Now I’m gonna tell you a story about a woman. We’re gonna call her Sharon. So if you’re Sharon, this this isn’t this isn’t you.

Jen Hardy [00:11:24]:
It’s not somebody that you know. It’s just somebody that I know. And after she turned 50, she felt invisible and underappreciated. You might relate. And so she decided to embark on this journey of self discovery. She started journaling, reflecting on her joys and on her challenges. She took up painting, which is something she’d always wanted to try, and people made her feel like she wasn’t gonna be good at it. But she thought, you know what? This is what I’ve wanted to do, though.

Jen Hardy [00:11:53]:
I’m gonna do it. And she made an effort to connect deep more deeply with her friends and with her family. And you know what she did? She just started. She didn’t know how to do all these things perfectly, but she just decided to try, and over time, something remarkable happened. Sharon found herself smiling more, not because her circumstances had dramatically changed. She lived in the same place, married to the same husband, you know, same job, but because she had reconnected with the parts of her life that brought her joy, she was genuinely happier. She was more confident, and she smiled more, and with that smile, you know, people smiled back, and they made her feel good about herself. And then that gave her more confidence.

Jen Hardy [00:12:47]:
And with that confidence came more happiness with and that gave her more smiles. And people begin to notice, not just a smile, but the energy, because it builds. It’s a cycle. You know. Like, it’s the same thing that happens when we’re put down and put down and put down. We start believing it. We stop smiling. We feel bad about ourselves, and pretty soon we feel like no one notices us.

Jen Hardy [00:13:15]:
You can reverse that. It doesn’t matter. You can be 80. You can be 90. You can be a 100 years old, and you can still make changes in the way you see the world, in the way you act in the world, in the way you interact with the people that you love. You can change it today. You know, fake it till you make it. Go out today and smile at everyone you meet.

Jen Hardy [00:13:38]:
Not that fake smile, not that for a second smile. Okay? And if you need something to think about to make you smile, this is it. Are you ready? It’s a secret and I do it whenever I’m taking pictures and I need a genuine smile because I hate my fake smile. You think this, I know something you don’t know. And when you’re looking at somebody and you will smile and you know lots of things they don’t know. You know, you have bright pink underwear today or you know whatever, something silly. And you just think, I know something you don’t know. And it makes you smile.

Jen Hardy [00:14:13]:
And they’re gonna look at you, and they’re gonna go, what? And sometimes that particular smile is a little bit of a guilty smile, and it can engage some more conversation, but it is really a great way to do it. So if you’re thinking, well, I can’t smile at people. I’m having a really rough day, and this is whatever. This is the day you need to smile at people. Okay? And if you live with people and they’re gonna be coming home today, whether you’ve had a great day, whether you had a horrible day, I want you to greet them with a smile and a positive word or positive words. When people walk in the door, and you’re like, I speak from experience. It does not set the tone to have the rest of the day go well. But if they walk in and you smile and you say, oh my gosh, it’s so great to see you, And tell them one good thing that happened.

Jen Hardy [00:15:12]:
I guarantee there’s one good thing, and it may be I woke up today. You know, that may be the best thing that happened, and that’s okay. Guess what? I woke up feeling pretty good today. How did your day go? You know, and it can lead into the reality of your day. I’m not saying don’t ever share the negative things. Don’t lead with them though, because everyone else has enough negative things too. Everyone’s got a lot of negative. We all do.

Jen Hardy [00:15:42]:
Okay? And everyone needs a kind word, a smiling face. And if you can be that for the people you meet, guess what? The majority of them are gonna be that for you back. And that is what you need too. So smiles and confidence. If you’re struggling with that, listen to this episode again. You can reach out to me. You can email me, jen@jenhardy.net. You can go to jennhardy.net/contact.

Jen Hardy [00:16:18]:
Those are 2 ways to reach out. And if you’re just feeling lonely, and you’re sad and you’re thinking, you know, I’m just feeling miserable. The last few years have been weird, and I don’t know what I’m gonna do. Go to jennhardy.net/friends. I have a new video email I send out every single day. It’s just 2 to 3 minutes, and it’s me telling you how wonderful you are, how beautiful you are, and what a great day you’re gonna have. We also have some challenges in there, and some different things, but it’s just an encouraging email because, let’s face it, we all need more encouragement. And if it’s not something that’s that you need, I ask you to you could gift it to a friend, gift it to a family member, maybe you’ve got a mom or a grandma or aunt, and you think, gosh, I wish I could reach out to that person more often.

Jen Hardy [00:17:11]:
I’m just so busy. This is the way to do it. And every time they get the email, they’re going to think of you because you gifted it. So, I appreciate you listening. Thank you so much for being here. I am smiling at you. I am genuinely happy that you chose to spend your time with me because it’s the most valuable thing you have, and you’re here. And next time, I’m gonna have my friend Heather come on the show.

Jen Hardy [00:17:34]:
She is an amazing, amazing breath of fresh air. And we’re gonna start talking for the next couple episodes about how we dress and how it makes us feel. And Heather has this wild eighties punk way of dressing, and she runs a business, and it’s very successful. And we’re gonna talk about how you can be completely 100% you and be successful and how to make that all work. So thank you again for listening. Stay tuned and stay fabulous.